Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
