The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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