JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
