I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
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