Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Randomize