I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
