I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
