Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
