Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
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