he fucked my hip out of place.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Randomize
