I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
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