O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Randomize
