It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
And my parents said I crawled through the house
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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