I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
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