you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Randomize
