Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
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