you win again, gameday.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Randomize
