When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
