Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Randomize
