He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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