I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
