I think I won the penis lottery.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Randomize
