PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
