My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Randomize
