yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Randomize
