News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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