I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize