I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
