You made me cry and you don't even care
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Randomize
