first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Randomize
