3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Randomize
