Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
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