I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
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