What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
