i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
