Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
