This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
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