it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
