It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
