His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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