well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
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