Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
