So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
I have surprise drugs for everyone
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
