So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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