He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
