I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
