Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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