So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
