garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
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