Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
Sacagawea was the original milf.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
