I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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