This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Life without a bra equals bliss.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
