the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
