Kiss
Puke
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
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