There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
