He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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