How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
