my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
