I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
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