got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
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