i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Randomize
