he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
