New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
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