Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
I can text with my tongue
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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