If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Randomize
