I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
