and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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