so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
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