I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Randomize
