did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
