Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
