the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
