I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
