I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
