..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
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