playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
