just come out here and I will go home with you...
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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