Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize