she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
