But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Randomize
