my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Randomize
