You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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