We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Randomize
