I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Randomize
