is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
