I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
i've created a new STD.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Randomize
