Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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