Got a toothbrush?
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
