I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
