babies were throwing up all over the place
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Randomize
