i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Randomize
