Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
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