Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize
