everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
