OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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