If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
I intend to get homeless drunk
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Randomize
