I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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