I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
