I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
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