Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Randomize
