there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
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