sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
