You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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