I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Randomize
